Stephen Porges’s work on polyvagal theory explains why your nervous system defaults to a state of threat in these dynamics, making you feel perpetually unsafe. Let’s drag it out of the shadows and into the harsh, unflattering light. You, with your beautiful, bleeding heart. You, the giver, the healer, the fixer, the one who loves with a fierce and hopeful fire. And yet, you find yourself, again and again, waking up next to a ghost. You are curled around a void, pouring your life force into someone who is emotionally vacant, a taker, a user, or just plain cruel. You apologize for your needs before you even know what they are. You contort your soul into a pretzel to accommodate their moods, their whims, their gaping emptiness. And at the end of the day, after you’ve given everything, you are left alone, drained, and staring at your own reflection asking the same soul-crushing question: _What is wrong with me?_ You watch others, people who seem to give less, care less, try less, and they are swimming in the warm waters of reciprocal love. It feels like a cosmic joke, a cruel and twisted punishment. You have a good heart, so