Stanislav Grof's work on spiritual emergencies reframes what you are feeling right now. You mistake the chains for a hug. You call the desperation \u201cdevotion.\u201d You have twisted yourself into a pretzel to be whatever you think they need, and you have forgotten the shape of your own bones. This isn\u2019t love. It\u2019s a haunting. You are a ghost in the architecture of your own life.\n\nLet\u2019s name it. Let\u2019s drag it out of the cellar and into the unforgiving light. You check their phone when they\u2019re in the shower. You hear their car in the driveway and your entire nervous system seizes, bracing for the mood that will walk through the door and dictate the emotional weather of your evening. Your \u201cI love you\u201d is not a declaration, it\u2019s a question. A desperate plea for reassurance. You have made another flawed, beautiful, messy human being your god, and you are shocked when they turn out to be a rather shitty one. It's like praying to a parking meter and expecting enlightenment. The prayer of the codependent: \u201cMake me okay by being okay.\u201d It is a prayer that is never, ever answered.\n\nThis pattern isn\u2019t a moral failing. It\u2019s a survival strategy.